observations: flawed or flawless

I once overheard a woman say that she 'had it out' with another woman.  She commented that she hoped the other woman felt good in her perfection.  "As for me, I'm imperfect.  I'm happy with my flaws."  This is a sort of conundrum, isn't it?  I mean, if you're happy with your flaws, then they can't really BE flaws.... right?

So I've been thinking a bit about this.  If someone says such a thing... is it really conveying a spiritual laziness?  They don't want to do the work necessary to make those weaknesses (flaws) into strengths (points of perfection in a flawed human).  I think that's definitely a possibility!

Perhaps in other situations, the character trait or other issue that someone else identifies as a 'flaw' isn't really one.  I've definitely experienced that.  It sure can grow to feel like one when people point at it over enough years... like the way people have said I'm too trusting.  Well... since we live in a fallen world in which folks really enjoy intrigue, this trait that folks point to all too often really can be troublesome... and painful.  But that doesn't make TRUSTING a bad thing... it just makes me unusual in a fallen world in which most people learn NOT to trust much sooner than me.  And still I struggle with being too trusting!

Yet in other situations, perhaps the flaw is really just a momentary problem that someone is able to see simply because of bad timing... sorta like driving West at just the wrong time of day when you absolutely cannot get the glare of bright sunlight behind anything... no visor low enough... no way to sit up straight enough to manage it.

Do you think we should work on making our flaws into strengths?

observations: we need more connections when...

A lady with her child in the children's area of the library held herself in a very open way.  Her arms were almost behind her.  Her face was open... searching.  I was focused on what I was doing, so I realized these things only upon pondering what I'd barely seen in the moment.  I feel bad.  Maybe I was supposed to offer her an opportunity to feel less alone.  I know I used to need those moments so very much.

Sometimes I still feel very alone.  When my life and the ways we've chosen to live feel unbearable because it's just so different... but doesn't everyone feel that way... at least, in a way?  I mean, maybe not everyone realizes their life is a result of a series of their own choices as much as I do... but I think maybe we all feel our life is a little unbearable at times.  And different.  Don't you?

It's in those moments I used to want (much more than I do now) another lady with whom to commiserate.  I think I've learned that commiserating doesn't help anything... and, in fact, can make things worse.  Sometimes I still cry to my Mom or sister when I feel like the pressure of the circumstances I'm facing will actually crush me.  Usually I'm crying to be heard.  I know they won't understand the circumstances very well... I just want to hope that someone will care enough to listen.  And they do.  I'm so grateful!

But even that is reaching out hoping for connection, isn't it?

And the old folks next door who talk too long when you've got so much to do...
And the child who gives you a drawing and wants to talk about it for ten minutes...
And the teen who recognizes you and wants to know that they are familiar to you, too...

We're all seeking to be heard... seen... remembered.

I know that our Father hears, sees, and remembers each of us.  I KNOW it.  Yet I still seek the validation of those I love here in this mortal realm.  How silly, right?  But human.  So very human.  And that's okay.  So long as we don't allow ourselves to simply wallow in sameness.  Working hard to become better is so much... BETTER!

observations: materialism is pervasive

Materialism as in: focus on the material, rather than belief that matter is all there is.

Pervasive... the very first definition.

I often think of myself as a really low maintenance kind of chick.  I don't wear makeup (for many reasons).  One of my many reasons is not wanting to be sorta addicted to something that runs out and must be replaced.  I have enough health-maintenance stuff that has that problem.  I don't want to also have appearance maintenance stuff, too!

My husband and I choose to live very simply to reduce financial burdens that would otherwise have crushed us, especially given how things have played out during 2016!

As it is, some things have come together to show me just how much I rely on THINGS. 

Take for instance a cell phone.  How does one function in this world for long without a phone... cell phone is taking the phone thing to the max... but even just a regular handset phone that has only a certain range from its base. 

A week I can do.  Beyond that and I start to feel anxiety... and think something is going to happen and I'm not going to be able to hack it because I don't have a phone of any sort.  Why even think such things?  I mean, that really doesn't help things at all.  But that is definitely my most constant battlefield: my thoughts.

It doesn't feel good to realize my degree of materialism is higher than I've been working for it to be.  Very disappointing.  And, of course, there are good parts in the bad.  Good realizations... good to know ways I need to change my thoughts.

Now... to change them!

observations: we humans don't like to leave our comfort zone

What makes a zone comfortable, anyway?  I've come to believe it's a combination of time and ease.

Beings prefer ease.  Even plants.  We humans are no different than the rest of this planet full of beings.  And when we've stayed in a way... sometimes uncomfy... we get comfy in it... so it becomes the comfort zone.  In some ways, this zone can be and probably often is heavily influenced by generational curses.

In myself and my marriage, I observe financial struggle cycle.  In the past, the problem times were often caused, at least in large part, by my own choices.  As I've grown, the cycle continues as a result of circumstances.  Thus, I'm left to believe that it's deeply a generational thing. 

I've been working out how to end the curses because I believe I agreed to do just that. 

It's a difficult process for me... a bit like feeling around in the dark for a light switch I believe is there... I just don't know WHERE and I can't discern how large the space is in which I must search for a possible switch!

Generally, I've observed similar sorts of things in others.

I wonder frequently if we'll be surprised to learn how deeply and broadly our lives have been influenced by choices our predecessors made.

observations: late night brings out the weird

It's not a new realization.  Much in life is really repeating the same lessons... hopefully at levels of greater understanding rather than the same one over and over again.  I've certainly experienced loads of paradigm shifts, so I'm pretty sure I'm climbing the  mountain rather than endlessly circling the base!

The time I've spent working to build this blog and my other author-focused social networking outlets has provided me with confirmation of the truth that the later the hour, the stranger the peeps.  Well... until around 3am.  By then, at least where I am, I'm pretty much the only customer.  The only other people in my Whataburger are the employees.  Those are usually my most productive hours... between 3am and 5am.

I do recognize that I am among those strange folks so am one of them.  I'm working through a season of chaos before the onset of greater order.  I have a lot of thoughts about that lately.  Watch for a post in the future!

Often enough, the weirdness I observe is due to alcohol.  Sometimes, though, those out late are just other folks like me.  Maybe they, too, have a touch of insomnia for one reason or another.  Maybe their job is a third shift thing and they need to keep on their schedule even on their days off.  We can't know unless we ask... and I'm here to work, so I haven't asked.

Watching folks sure is interesting.  Especially when they are a bit weird.  What makes them weird?  Basically, behaving in ways that are not generally accepted by society is pretty weird.

For instance, one particular Friday night at my Whataburger found me watching one guy in one corner yell to a woman in the other.  They went back and forth.  No fighting, mind you.  In fact, I think they may have been flirting.  It was crude and I was rushing to put my ear buds in to listen to something less gross.  I'd say that's definitely weird.  They were inebriated.

At another time, a guy was tossing ice from the drink machine down a main isle... like he thought he was in a bowling alley.  *sigh*  I was worried about someone slipping on the melted ice, so I leaned out of my corner booth and very quietly asked him to stop.  He was very meek and did.  That was refreshing.  I'm pretty sure he was also drunk.

Earlier yet, a guy sitting in the middle of the dining room spoke to me about GrA.  For me to hear him, he had to speak loudly.  That's kind weird.

A group of guys let a drunk lady take their picture.  The drunk lady... well, she was drunk.  But those guys were kinda weird... I mean, they didn't know her and who knows where that picture will end up now.  That's weird to me.

Do you think late night hours bring out the weird?  What have you observed?

observations: people are creatures of habit

And the older the creature, the more firmly entrenched the habit.  At least, that's what it seems like to me.

I've had many opportunities recently to observe folks because I have been working in places with free wi-fi.  I am really striving to stay focused on my work, but being among people it is very easy to see similarities and differences and repeat behavior.  I've noticed that the older folks alone seem to strongly prefer certain places in, say, Whataburger or the library.  A couple fellas and one older lady specifically come to mind.

Among the younger set (teens and twenty-somethings), it seems that they don't necessarily prefer the same place and way of doing things unless they are among a few others.

As for me and my age group... middle agers, I guess (yikes!), if I'm the rule (and I definitely don't claim to be), I prefer to do things in a similar way each time, but I like to feel out a place for the optimal location for me.  In the library I have two definite favorite spots because I feel like I'm more completely hidden and stress less about breastfeeding GrA in both of them.  In Whataburger I'm pretty well exposed wherever I sit... so I just have to have a greater deal of focus on what he's doing while nursing than I would in the library spot I love.

It's easier to get more done if I can focus less on how he happens to nurse at any given moment.  I sure am hopeful that I might be able to make something come around for my family with this work I'm doing.  Just yesterday I was thinking about the hours I've spent at this in the last almost 6 weeks.  Each week I work more than 40 hours, but let's say it was just 40.  And I'm coming up to 6 weeks... so that's 240 hours.  And that doesn't include all the writing I did last year (around 3 novels worth of words)!

Yeah... author/creator work is definitely an act of hope!

So, back to the main subject... do you have any observations about habits among adults?

observations: habits

Have you thought about your habits?  I've been thinking about mine lately.  Mostly wondering if I should work harder to make mine more consistent or if the way my life has been working is really working best for this season.  As I observe others, many with really consistent habits, I can't help but wonder if they consider their habits.

For instance, there is a lady who comes into my favorite writer-work haunt with a book.  Not the same book every time, of course.  And she eats alone and reads.  She smiles at me and has said a few words.  I rarely initiate conversations here because I really am here to work.  I accept conversations when others start them, though, because I believe it is part of my purpose.

I wonder if she hopes for more connections and that's why she comes to eat at Whataburger.  I don't know.  Maybe she really likes to be alone.  Either way, reading puts a wall around her that prevents more connection possibilities.

There are a few guys that come and eat alone.  About half of them work on a device.  The other half are very focused on eating and then depart.  I can see those who work on a device seem to be very focused.  And those who just eat and leave are, too.  All I can do is wonder about what I observe.  And I sure do!

One of the most interesting things, to me, is how I think I could probably set a clock by how consistent some of these folks are.  Especially the elders.  The time they arrive is right about the same on the days they do.  I haven't been nose enough to observe their food choices... I do wonder if they get the same thing every day.  I think it likely just based on what I know about how the synapses in the brain become more and more entrenched as we age... like ruts in a dirt road.

Really, those ruts are, in essence, a good description of all habits.  They are pathways in the brain that are so oft repeated that they become things the body does without thought on our parts.  And when we don't do them, we feel like we're  missing something.  Putting on my wrap is like that for me.  When my babies outgrow it or I'm home and it's too hot to wear it all day, I feel a lack in my morning, for sure.

No matter what, it's definitely been really interesting to observe others and wonder about their motivations and whether their visits are born of desire or simply actions of habit.

What have you observed about your habits?  Any differences between that and what you've observed about others' habits?

observations: on a Whataburger's visitors

Now, this is what I've observed in my small city in East Texas at the one Whataburger we have.  So maybe this observation is not so much about human nature, but more a regional or even local one.  I guess you'll have to tell me what you think if you've taken some time to observe a day in the life of your local 24 hour fast food joint (preferably a Whataburger... cause it could be specific to the type of restaurant, too).

Also, these observations pertain to the inside dining room of the Whataburger.  I have no idea what habits those frequenting the drive-through may have or what ages may be represented.

In the morning, starting really early at around 5am, the elder folk come in to break their fast. These are the elders we should respect simply by virtue of their age and the life experience that goes with it.  We can readily see their life written in the wrinkles on their face.  And they come as often alone as with someone else.

Surprising as it may seem, there are many in this group that come alone or with someone and meet others while here.  Almost like breakfast clubs for the Grannies and Grampies.  Many of those meetings, it seems, are prearranged.  Just as many, though, are simply by virtue of the same folks coming to eat at the same time on a regular basis.  It is enjoyable to watch these meetings, especially those that were not prearranged.

The morning and early lunch time is dominated by these sweet old folks.  They love to talk to GrA, by the way.  Many give such expressive communications as I'm walking by that I feel compelled to stop so they can try to get a smile from him.  Thankfully, this little guy is really smiley and almost always rewards them for their efforts.

Midday meal-time starts to see more younger visitors.  But still the majority is older folks who have earned their silver hairs.  Even at lunch, those who are younger are still in the thirties and above.

Later day and dinner see more families here at my favorite writer-work haunt!  Some nights (maybe Wednesdays and Saturdays) tend to have larger families visiting for a meal.  I'm thinking these might be folks departing church and stopping on their way home.  But I haven't asked any of them, so this really is just a guess.  I think it's a good guess, though, because oft-times these family groups greet one another.  Additionally, they often look well-dressed, as if for church.

Evening and night are when the youth and young adults visit.  Most often they come as groups of guys or girls.  Very few come alone.  Sometimes there are couples that seem to be out on dates.  The fewer guys, the better, as I've not directly said, but basically shared before.

A few times I've been here after the bars let out... those are some interesting times to observe.  I really do not prefer them, though, and, in fact, work hard to avoid that time (especially on Fridays and Saturdays and I just don't work at all for 24 hours on Sundays).  It's sometimes funny, but often disturbing to watch (and hear!) the interactions of the often inebriated folks that visit my Whataburger during those after hours.

My favorite working hours are from about 1am until 5am Monday through Wednesday and sometimes Thursday.  It's difficult for me to make it to my Whataburger during those hours, though, because I do need to sleep sometime!

Have you observed various hours at a local 24 hour restaurant?  I'd love to hear what you've seen... even if it's not a full 24.  Maybe you've observed a certain spread.  Tell me about it by commenting below!

observations: guys when they multiply

I've been working at my local Whataburger for a while now.  A lot more frequently during June 2016.  These public work times have provided lots of observation time.  One thing I've observed a few times came to a bit of a head on June 30th.

Have you ever noticed how guys tend to behave in more aggressive ways and use more foul language when their numbers increase?  Perhaps especially when they are young guys... but I have definitely had quite a few opportunities to observe this recently.

For a lady who feels the impact of curse words, even when not directed or spoken to me, this is exceedingly disturbing.  Nonetheless, even though it might surprise those who have known me since my youth, I do not prefer confrontation.  So, I have on at least two recent occasions experienced the truth mentioned in the Declaration of Independence which reads:

...all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security.

I believe the truth mentioned here is that folks would rather just keep on keepin' on, rather than interrupt their experience of life by dealing with rough YUCK stuff going on around them.

The rough stuff I've been around and wanted to ignore has been loud cursing and raunchy conversation in groups of guys (usually more than three guys).  On the 30th, there were two guys sitting in the booth just ahead of mine.  I could hear them, but i t was easy to tune them out.  Nary a curse word or raunchy subject did I hear.

When two more guys joined them, all four males began cursing periodically.  Mind, I was not TRYing to hear them or the curse words.  And when four males are cursing, that produces many curse words.  I both heard and felt them pop out at me from everything else they said.

Additionally, their conversation about females in their life currently or experience was disturbingly disrespectful and vulgar.  They four had foul mouths and minds based on their words.  And though I would have rather sat and ignored them, I did experience a point at which their abuses felt like efforts to reduce me under absolute despotism.  If I could have ignored them, I would have.  I absolutely felt the need to throw off the energetic YUCK I felt as a result of the words they spoke.

So, I said something to them about it.

As it happened on the 30th, at least one among them is probably a really nice guy who is often mindful of others.  He tried to excuse his behavior explaining that he was young.  I cut him off and told him that was no excuse and he was practicing now for the rest of his life.  He actually did change his behavior, for which I was very grateful as I was able to return to the writing on which I was working diligently to focus.

Basically, it is my observation that guys, as their number multiplies, become more crude, rude, and even perverse.  Have you had opportunity to observe such a thing?