Tuesday, December 6, 2016

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observations: we need more connections when...

A lady with her child in the children's area of the library held herself in a very open way.  Her arms were almost behind her.  Her face was open... searching.  I was focused on what I was doing, so I realized these things only upon pondering what I'd barely seen in the moment.  I feel bad.  Maybe I was supposed to offer her an opportunity to feel less alone.  I know I used to need those moments so very much.

Sometimes I still feel very alone.  When my life and the ways we've chosen to live feel unbearable because it's just so different... but doesn't everyone feel that way... at least, in a way?  I mean, maybe not everyone realizes their life is a result of a series of their own choices as much as I do... but I think maybe we all feel our life is a little unbearable at times.  And different.  Don't you?

It's in those moments I used to want (much more than I do now) another lady with whom to commiserate.  I think I've learned that commiserating doesn't help anything... and, in fact, can make things worse.  Sometimes I still cry to my Mom or sister when I feel like the pressure of the circumstances I'm facing will actually crush me.  Usually I'm crying to be heard.  I know they won't understand the circumstances very well... I just want to hope that someone will care enough to listen.  And they do.  I'm so grateful!

But even that is reaching out hoping for connection, isn't it?

And the old folks next door who talk too long when you've got so much to do...
And the child who gives you a drawing and wants to talk about it for ten minutes...
And the teen who recognizes you and wants to know that they are familiar to you, too...

We're all seeking to be heard... seen... remembered.

I know that our Father hears, sees, and remembers each of us.  I KNOW it.  Yet I still seek the validation of those I love here in this mortal realm.  How silly, right?  But human.  So very human.  And that's okay.  So long as we don't allow ourselves to simply wallow in sameness.  Working hard to become better is so much... BETTER!
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