observations: we need more connections when...

A lady with her child in the children's area of the library held herself in a very open way.  Her arms were almost behind her.  Her face was open... searching.  I was focused on what I was doing, so I realized these things only upon pondering what I'd barely seen in the moment.  I feel bad.  Maybe I was supposed to offer her an opportunity to feel less alone.  I know I used to need those moments so very much.

Sometimes I still feel very alone.  When my life and the ways we've chosen to live feel unbearable because it's just so different... but doesn't everyone feel that way... at least, in a way?  I mean, maybe not everyone realizes their life is a result of a series of their own choices as much as I do... but I think maybe we all feel our life is a little unbearable at times.  And different.  Don't you?

It's in those moments I used to want (much more than I do now) another lady with whom to commiserate.  I think I've learned that commiserating doesn't help anything... and, in fact, can make things worse.  Sometimes I still cry to my Mom or sister when I feel like the pressure of the circumstances I'm facing will actually crush me.  Usually I'm crying to be heard.  I know they won't understand the circumstances very well... I just want to hope that someone will care enough to listen.  And they do.  I'm so grateful!

But even that is reaching out hoping for connection, isn't it?

And the old folks next door who talk too long when you've got so much to do...
And the child who gives you a drawing and wants to talk about it for ten minutes...
And the teen who recognizes you and wants to know that they are familiar to you, too...

We're all seeking to be heard... seen... remembered.

I know that our Father hears, sees, and remembers each of us.  I KNOW it.  Yet I still seek the validation of those I love here in this mortal realm.  How silly, right?  But human.  So very human.  And that's okay.  So long as we don't allow ourselves to simply wallow in sameness.  Working hard to become better is so much... BETTER!

my thoughts: group mind

There have been experiments performed that show the power of groups working together to be of one mind. Most of them revolving around meditation groups. I imagine that the same of very similar results may well be attained during times when religious organizations have special meetings for their members, though I am not aware of any studies to prove such.

At least a couple instances show that group meditation has decreased a certain type of crime rate in large cities. How is that even possible? Well, I think it makes perfect sense because like attracts like, right? Lots of people focused on good thoughts and positivity will bring the same. Light attracts light. Light dispels darkness.

I have felt the result of group mind most frequent experience of it has been during General Conference which is a twice yearly meeting of the members of the church to which I belong. On a personal level, it feels like a sort of “shot” of goodness, love, and upliftment. (Yes, I know that last isn't a real word. I like to make up words… and you can tell what it means, right?)

This concept is really valuable and powerful. And I've known about it for a good many years. It has taken me a few years to work through thoughts and feelings about celebrating Christmas on December 25th. Now, as I reflect, I wonder why I didn't see and understand the connection between group mind and Christmas.

My greatest desire has been to honor our Savior in the best way possible. For a few years I have been greatly concerned about the date and mode of celebrating Him in our day. I still have a number of issues with the societal norms and am working to mitigate them within my family. However, among my great concerns was that of date and is no longer a concern at all.

You see, I was worried about the way the date for the celebration was chosen as a result of research, pondering, and prayer. I still do not prefer the date, but accept it because as Christians we can act as light bringers to an otherwise potentially not so bright day. Because we choose how we celebrate the birth of our Savior, we can also stand against the tide of the way the world would distort this very special celebration.

Who's Got Game? The Lion or the Mouse? by Toni and Slade Morrison, a book review

Both this and the other book by the same three with the same beginning name which I reviewed HERE are obviously illustrated by the same artist. The covers are very similar. It's fun that the horizon scene on the cover of Who's Got Game? The Lion or the Mouse? Is more of a African plains sort of scene. It prepares the reader for a different environment in this book. The title page and other small sketches until the first page carry on the preparatory differences.

The illustrations, by Pascal Lemaitre, of this story definitely accomplish the task of supporting and amplifying the words of the story. The words and illustrations work well together.  This, like it's similar story mentioned before, is also in comic style.

This story has the same rhyme problem as the other, though not as drastic an issue this time. Perhaps that's because I read it after the other, so my expectations for the rhyme were considerably diminished based on my memory of the first. I did feel a bit annoyed that it seemed at times like the authors were going for rhyme, but didn't keep it steady and flowing.

Again, I kept reading because I wanted to see what the title meant. What point are they shooting for? Will they finish as well as the other?

Though they do end with a question, I think this story does not leave the audience as much room to choose for themselves. This could be a good thing, given the subject, of course.

As for me, I like the message of the story.

Have you read it? What did you think?

my thoughts: on seasons in life

The circle of life... sorta.  I mean, the seasons are like circles.  The seasons of life are rather similar to the seasons of weather on our planet.  Although, at least for me, the seasons of life seem a bit more erratic.  But, then again, folks everywhere are talking about how the weather is out of kilter for their area.  So, maybe my personal seasons are a lot more like the weather seasons than I thought before sitting down to write.

Regardless of that, I've come to a deeper realization I want to share with you.  It's this: for me, chaos is an integral part of spiraling up my mountain, as it were.  The mountain being life... improvement... growth.  You know, the big stuff.

It makes perfect sense, of course, since darkness is likened to chaos and it has it's assigned part of the day.  So, too, then it makes perfect sense that chaos must have it's time in my personal/mental/emotional life, too.

Lately, I've been thinking that my time in chaos usually comes after my babies are born.  Usually it seems to start around the time they are three months old and lasts different lengths of time with each babe.  I'm pretty sure the differences are, at least, partially due to nutrition and sleep.  Unfortunately, this time of chaos includes varying degrees of insomnia.

Thankfully, chaos passes.  Like in labor, when I don't fight the times of contracting/chaos, this time is far less painful.

As with goals in THIS TEDx talk, focusing on the rough stuff makes it far too easy to feel every bit of roughness.  Strange, since Reggie Rivers is explaining why focusing on goals causes us to NOT accomplish them.  Instead we should focus on behaviors.  That's true for getting through the seasons of chaos, too.

In my life, as I focus on my behavior, rather than the rough stuff, I'm able to feel more control and authority, rather than less.  Yeay for that!

Bear Can Dance by Suzanne Bloom

Another very quick and easy read by Suzanne Bloom. Bear Can Dance is also most intended for very young ones or early readers.  This is another author illustrator!

Bear wants to fly. He can't. Maybe there's something he is able to do that's almost as good.

My children enjoyed this picture book. It is very quick, easy read.

What do you think of Bear Can Dance by Suzanne Bloom?

observations: materialism is pervasive

Materialism as in: focus on the material, rather than belief that matter is all there is.

Pervasive... the very first definition.

I often think of myself as a really low maintenance kind of chick.  I don't wear makeup (for many reasons).  One of my many reasons is not wanting to be sorta addicted to something that runs out and must be replaced.  I have enough health-maintenance stuff that has that problem.  I don't want to also have appearance maintenance stuff, too!

My husband and I choose to live very simply to reduce financial burdens that would otherwise have crushed us, especially given how things have played out during 2016!

As it is, some things have come together to show me just how much I rely on THINGS. 

Take for instance a cell phone.  How does one function in this world for long without a phone... cell phone is taking the phone thing to the max... but even just a regular handset phone that has only a certain range from its base. 

A week I can do.  Beyond that and I start to feel anxiety... and think something is going to happen and I'm not going to be able to hack it because I don't have a phone of any sort.  Why even think such things?  I mean, that really doesn't help things at all.  But that is definitely my most constant battlefield: my thoughts.

It doesn't feel good to realize my degree of materialism is higher than I've been working for it to be.  Very disappointing.  And, of course, there are good parts in the bad.  Good realizations... good to know ways I need to change my thoughts.

Now... to change them!

The Winner's Kiss by Marie Rutkoski, a book review

The final book in the trilogy, The Winner's Kiss by Marie Rutkoski, is an easy and good read. Kestrel has played well in the previous books, yet finds herself in the fight of her life for her life, her identity, and what she believes is important. Will she win?

Again, there are a couple steamy scenes and I will allow my twelve year old to read the conclusion after the other two when she's sixteen at the earliest. More because of the mature subjects broached than the intimate scenes.

Kestrel faces new challenges.  Will she lose her mind?  Will she ever see Arin or her father again?  And what about her fiance?

I like this book and the story as a whole.

What do you think of this story? What about the whole trilogy?

my thoughts: on motivation revealed

So, last time I really only shared what someone else thought about motivation.  I thought I would do it differently, but when I was typing it up, I felt like I should just share what someone else said and ask if you agree.  Many thanks to those who replied.  I appreciate your time and thoughts very much!

As for me, I believe that the three motivations shared in the last installment of my thoughts is really pessimistic and not really accurate, anyway.  Perhaps I'm overly optimistic.  I just believe that if I had to limit folks' motivation to three it would be: love, security, and legacy.  Probably in that order, too.

What to you think of my three?  Am I overly optimistic?

The Winner's Crime by Marie Rutkoski, a book review

The Valorian Kestrel, in The Winner's Crime by Marie Rutkoski, struggles in the heart of the empire: Valoria. She is a member of the emperor's house now, engaged to his despised son. Kestrel's soft heart finds good in the young man and the two become friends.

Intrigue surrounds her and follows her like a stench one cannot bathe away. She is working diligently to play the 'game' she has set in motion. Will she win?

I enjoyed this second book in the trilogy. I accidentally read it first.

Most authors include many, perhaps most, details from their preceding books in each subsequent book. Rutkoski did include many and the major ones, of course, but when I read the first book, I learned many details barely, if at all, alluded to in the second or third books. I like this because it shows a sort of confidence in the author. Confidence that each part of her story is worthwhile and if you want to know the whole story, you better read all of it.

This is young adult fiction. I might let my eldest daughter, currently twelve, read it when she's sixteen. There are only a couple steamy scenes which are not graphic. However, the whole book is riddled with inter-relational thoughts I'd rather my children not consider until they are a little older.

Have you read The Winner's Crime? What did you think?

observations: we humans don't like to leave our comfort zone

What makes a zone comfortable, anyway?  I've come to believe it's a combination of time and ease.

Beings prefer ease.  Even plants.  We humans are no different than the rest of this planet full of beings.  And when we've stayed in a way... sometimes uncomfy... we get comfy in it... so it becomes the comfort zone.  In some ways, this zone can be and probably often is heavily influenced by generational curses.

In myself and my marriage, I observe financial struggle cycle.  In the past, the problem times were often caused, at least in large part, by my own choices.  As I've grown, the cycle continues as a result of circumstances.  Thus, I'm left to believe that it's deeply a generational thing. 

I've been working out how to end the curses because I believe I agreed to do just that. 

It's a difficult process for me... a bit like feeling around in the dark for a light switch I believe is there... I just don't know WHERE and I can't discern how large the space is in which I must search for a possible switch!

Generally, I've observed similar sorts of things in others.

I wonder frequently if we'll be surprised to learn how deeply and broadly our lives have been influenced by choices our predecessors made.